Government Shutdown: Day 5

This is John Shepard reporting on Day 5 of the government shutdown as felt within my own domicile.  As expected, the shutdown hit hardest upon the milk supply.  Today, my milk ran out.  Short of finding a cow, I've decided to make a run to Sam's Club and pick up another gallon or two.  Let's pray they have skim because the 2% tastes like cardboard.  In other news, our toilet paper supply is holding steady although we've rationed the kids to two squares per wipe, and we've locked up the kleenex.  Who would have thought that a government shutdown would result in picking our noses with bare fingers because the Kleenex supply is not guaranteed?  Oh, the humanity!  In any case, I am at work today because the shutdown has not had the desired effect of giving me time off.  Perhaps if I worked for the government, I could take a much deserved break, but curse these people wanting to give me money for services.  This dang private economy is for workers, and I'm about fed up!  I'm ready to go surf some waves from TS Karen dangit!  Government shutdown, you are pathetic!  You can't even get a shutdown right such that I can get some time off!!!!  Standby for future reports on the government shutdown as it unfolds.  Right here.  In the heartland.  John Shepard signing off.  Be safe, it is a riotous mess in the streets.